find my way back

before I continued reading The Zahir by Paulo Coelho (I've read some pages then lost interest), I asked myself what I wanna do with my life after I got the capital for my trading ventures. I was kinda confused. is it enough 'just' to be a trader?

what I meant by 'just' was not having a day job.

will it be strange or out of place to do 'just' that as my job? I mean, other people have jobs, mostly 9 to 5, with fixed payment to receive by the end or beginning of each month.
will I be an outcast if I don't have a day job?
but do I really need it? I've tried that before: going out in the day, then trade during the night. it did not work. I was too tired and didn't have enough adrenaline to open positions :D

this book reminds me to become who I am, not who I want to be seen as in society. who matters is me, not what others think as me.
I just need to set my goals and get on the journey. don't think what might happen, I must continue to the end. if I'm on the right path, Universe will give ways. if I should change course, it will give the signs.

so now I have decided to concentrate on my online forex trading. I got my plans and goals. I know where I am going to end up.

let us begin the journey...

PS: I must be bolder to cut loose anything that no longer fits in my life.

Bali

Sejak kejadian buruk di Bali bulan Maret kemarin, gue masih trauma ngebayangin Bali dan orang-orangnya. Gue buang jauh-jauh rencana pindah ke sana, apalagi punya property di sana. No way.

Mungkin, baru mungkin, kalo gue udah punya duit untuk balikin semua biaya yang keluar waktu itu, sakit hati ini akan sembuh. Tapi ngga sembuh juga gpp sih. Masih banyak tempat lain yang bisa dikunjungi. I don't like to go with the crowd anyways. Dan terlalu banyak orang cinta Bali, I refuse to be a part of it. I don't hate it, I just don't like it.

friends?

Gue tuh suka banget nonton film/serial tentang pertemanan antar perempuan, seperti Sex And The City, Lipstick Jungle, Friends With Money (Jennifer Aniston), The Women (Meg Ryan), SIsterhood Of The Travelling Pants (agak lupa judulnya tapi kira-kira ini hehe). Gue suka karena gaya pertemanannya seperti yang gue mau. Mereka akrab, saling terbuka tapi tetep tau batas. Ga kayak seseorang yang maunya ngatur-ngatur orang lain pake ukuran dia sendiri (kursi).

Sumpah gue ga suka banget orang model begini. Anehnya lagi, ngatur-ngatur orang lain seenaknya ga cukup buat dia. Masih ditambah dengan keinginannya jadi pusat perhatian dunia *tepok jidat*. Oh puhlease, girl, go get a life!! Tiap orang punya urusan masing-masing, bukan cuma mikirin perasaan lo!

Gue rasa tipe pertemanan yang dia anut beda sama gue. Totally in different leagues. Dia senengnya berteman model seragam: selera mesti sama, harus setuju terus, harus bareng melulu, harus nge-bener-in dia melulu, orang lain salah terus. Bweh. Kebiasaan hidup di kampung sih kayaknya, ga bisa mandiri, apa-apa harus atas persetujuan orang sekampung. Walaupun dia ngerasa sesuatu hal itu bener, dia ga akan berani ngelakuin kalau orang-orang di sekitarnya ga setuju. Ngga banget deh yang begini ngaku-ngaku temen gue!

Kemarin-kemarin sempet sih ngebahas kenapa tu orang kelakuannya ajaib. Sekarang bodo amat :P ga rugi ga punya temen model begitu. Malah enak, ga perlu diceritain hal-hal ga penting, kayak pacar-yang-ga-diaku-pacar-tapi-dipamer-sebagai-pacar. Munafik banget sih jadi orang, sok cantik, sok lebih pinter daripada orang lain. Cuma tau gadget dari majalah aja ngerasa orang IT, bwahahahahaha!!! What a bullshit.